more about nothing

more of the usual.
saddy had a fight at home and is pretty depressed, but still wont say a word. Noreen has flown to khi to sort things out at khi office and me...well im just doing wht i do everyday...nothing.
dad came back today and looked tired. i wish i cud travel instead of him and especially when i am young. i started applyin in universities, canada, Australia, anywhere i can get in is fine with me. but the bigger concern is money. how do i pay for my tuition?
saddy thinks i am running away...she's absolutely right. i am running away. all my life i've looked for escapes and distractions. this time, i just dont want a distraction, i need a solution and this seems to be it. last year i escaped to khi and it helped. this year i need something concrete..this time im not just escaping dreams tht wont come true...this time im escaping my nightmares.
i am probably making a big deal out of nothing. its just unrequited love, deception, betrayal. maybe being jilted and lied to is really no big deal and shena was right...i had a lot to be thankful about. but why do i feel vacant? why is it that my every day routine is though hassle-less, i yearn for activity. maybe i am looking for answers when there are no questions. maybe life is like this at best.
i have stopped praying...not the normal five prayers...but my conversations with Allah. not tht i dont believe in Him...i do, i very much do. but i just dont know how to proceed from here? i am lost...