Bent

I woke up yesterday with a queer feeling in my stomach and I couldn’t help thinking how much more of these mornings will I have to face in my life. I dragged myself out of the bed went through the rituals of getting ready for the office, got here and started working. That’s the way to get rid of that perplexing feeling that makes you uncertain…get right into the day and work yourself to death. I just didn’t know what the day had in store for me.

Ikram Sahab, his nana, the guy who had arranged this (mis)match came to our office yesterday. I had only seen him once after that debacle when I had to go to our BR Bureau and the just the sight of him had made me sick. I remember just running back to our office. Since then I had prayed that I never see him again. Well, I did yesterday. And though I tried to avoid him, he actually had the impudence to block my way and tell me that he had watched one of my reports the other night and really liked the work I was doing. Why can’t these people just leave me alone? I just mumbled a thank you and stood my ground till he moved aside. I know I was extremely discourteous but what am I supposed to do?

Anyhoo, the day improved after that. I went window shopping, sold my cell phone and will InshaAllah be buying a new one today. Sajeela called me to ask if I were free in the evening and we could go to Saba’s. I very readily agreed since I wanted to give saba her wedding present before the wedding. I came home, had some time so contemplated playing basketball but I couldn’t. I still haven’t fixed the ring. So Sanny and I went for a walk. After Iftar, I went up cuz I needed to pray with all my heart. I am lost and it’s twice this year but this time I am strong. I know I will find my way back InshaAllah. I just know I will. Allah has always been very kind to me, I can’t be forsaken now.

So we went to Saba’s in the evening. Lol, it turned out to be an adventure. Abu was in a hurry to catch his Isha prayers so he said he wud drop us outside Saba’s street. It was dark and the last time I went to Saba’s was in Jan ’05. Sajeela’s only been to her place once so we forgot the street. We got off and entered the street, lots of houses, none that was Saba’s. We entered another street, still the wrong one. At this point, we had started laughing and doubting whether we were in the right sector at all? So we walked back to the main road and found the right street. When we rang the bell and saba opened the door she said” how come you girls came so quietly?”

We spent the evening looking at Saba’s trousseau. Her wedding dress is gorgeous and i felt like hogging it and i did...


It may have been boring but seeing how happy my friend was, made me happy. It’s never the things we buy, or the clothes we plan to wear, it’s always how we feel when we do these things. I remember reading somewhere that on their wedding day; the bride is the most beautiful girl and the groom, the handsomest. And it doesn’t matter if it rains on that day because every rain drop carries in it a world of sunshine. I think happiness makes people beautiful.

It’s good looking at happiness even if it’s through other people’s eyes.

My song for today will have to be Matchbox twenty's bent:

If I fall along the way
pick me up and dust me off.
and if I get too tired to make it
be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love
give me more than I can stand
and when my smile gets old and faded
wait around I'll smile again

shouldn't be so complicated
just hold me and then
just hold me again

can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
get put back together
you're breaking me in
and this is how we will end
with you and me bent

If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
could you paint me better off
could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

I started out clean but I'm jaded
just phoning it in
just breaking the skin

start bending me
It's never enough
I feel all your pieces
start bending me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in