Day 5

I don’t even have to write about how tired I am. It’s evident in my eyes. Hani came to the office today to get her experience certificate and the first thing she said was ‘looks like you’ve stopped sleeping’. Lol.

Yesterday was spent in arranging news reports and coverage of Northern areas and AJK. I am glad they have shifted the Sehri transmission to head office because we do need to focus on this area. The images are pouring in, each story is heart wrenching. I don’t think you ever become distant or numb to this pain. When I met the kids from Bagh and Rawalakot in PIMS the other day, I couldn’t get over the fact how their eyes had become vacant. When I meet a person what instantly captures my attention are the eyes and all I got from these kids were mostly unfilled stares. Their eyes looked at me; their mind didn’t register my presence. I did meet this 16 year old girl from AJK who instantly became my favorite. Both her legs had been fractured and she was one of the lucky ones who were rescued. When I asked for her name, she smiled back at me. I can’t recall a single instance in my life when a smile was so rare and so welcome.

Had to stay late in office rather unnecessarily. Boss had called a meeting at 4 and then some friend of his showed up. And a very pretty friend at that! So the meeting was postponed for after maghrib. I don’t like having aftari at office but I like praying on the office roof after maghrib. It was especially nice yesterday after the rain. Yet I know what rain here means in muzafarabad. It snowed on the mountains in AJK. Things are not getting any easier, are they?

I spoke to Saba last night. She is completely overwhelmed with the wedding preparations. I know it’s not easy for her but in some twisted way, I envy her. I wish I could be concerned with the mundane as well. I spoke to Usman this morning. He told me his father has moved to Manshehra to supervise relief efforts. I keep on thinking of this house we once visited in Manshehra. I remember it so vividly. It belonged to my chacha’s friend who was once Shah Iran’s pilot. It was a simple structure with a huge lawn. The view was implausible as the house was on the edge on a mountain and you could see the whole valley below. I fell in love with the place. There were apple trees in the back lawn and they were full of blossoms. I remember that the wind blew the white blossoms around like snow flakes. The place was perfect. I would not have changed anything. It was a dream come true but it belonged to someone else. I had vowed that I would save enough to buy the place. I know the place is gone now…

Ali called last night. I have never seen him so serious and so concerned about anything. I mean if I ever talked about something serious all I got to hear was ‘taqreer nahi’. And here he is, angry at his organization for not donating anything and visiting hospitals and buying supplies for the injured. As we were talking he picked up his guitar and started playing ‘wake me up when September ends’ by green day. I told him I have given up music and he said ‘fine! I will mail you the lyrics’. Lol, that’s what I have been doing ever since I stopped listening to music.

I just found out that there was an earthquake in Karachi last night. I am so worried about shan and everybody else I know there. I know I need to be strong but I have seen too many images just sitting in my office. I can’t help being scared.

Zamir Sahib just returned from Balakot. He asked me to screen the visuals he had brought and write a script for him. I found something completely ironic in the footage. There was a girls college which had completely collapsed save one wall. Now on that wall, was a list of cities with their specific characteristics like ‘the city of lights-karachi, city of mosques etc. one of these cities was’ the city of dead-moejodaroo’. Balakot itself has factually become the city of dead.