Mercuric at best!

Why is it that mothers always see right through us? No matter what fascia we put up…they always know we are pre-occupied. I have always been able to strong around Abu but around Ammi I am always ready to fall apart. Though lately I try not to burden my mother with the ridiculous details of my life, she still can tell. Last night, she actually sat me down and told me again that I need to not think. But how can I not think. As long as I am working, I generally overcome my thoughts and anxieties but when I am home and alone in my room, I am back to ground zero. I don’t even feel like reading anymore.

I missed Shan so intolerably last night. It gets really quiet in my home after nine usually. Ammi and Abu are early sleepers; Bhai has his CIA preparations and Aban’s away. I guess that is why I had become so dependent on music. So I called him while he was having his dinner and we talked for quite sometime till he again reminded me of how the phone bill would be astronomical and I had to put the phone down. I can’t wait for Shan to get back, another four days till he comes and they already feel like four centuries.

Ammar’s grandfather passed away this Sunday. I know how much Ammar loves his grandparents. He’s the only one amongst his family who actually genuinely cares about us all. I had not spoken to him for almost two years so I mailed him. He’s completing his Bar-at-Law in England and was very upset that he couldn’t be here. I also mailed Faisal to thank him for looking after my father in Oxford. This is probably the first time in years that I have communicated with this estranged part of my family. It quite puzzles me that people who can be so close can become so distant. Are family ties and relationships so delicate that slightest disparity in opinions can cause people to not speak to each other for years?

It’s obvious I am not in my best mood today but I am optimistic. I am thinking of this song by Amy Grant that went something like…
It takes a little time sometimes
To get your feet back on the ground
It takes a little time sometimes
To get the Titanic turned back around
It takes a little time sometimes
But baby you're not going down
It takes more than you've got right now
Give it time

What's this walking thru' my door
I know I've seen the look before
Sometimes in faces on the street
Sometimes in the mirror looking back at me
You can't fix this pain with money
You can't rush a weary soul
You can't sweep it under the rug, now honey
It don't take a lot to know

Now it may not be over by morning
But Rome wasn't built in a day
You can name that thing a thousand times
But it won't make it go away
Let me put my arms around you
And hold you while you weep
We've been talking and you know what
I'm sick of this talk
And it's nothing that won't keep

Lol…its funny how little things can instantly brighten your day. One of my all time favorite movies is ‘The Wedding Singer’. It’s essentially a feel good movie and features songs from my favorite era…The 80s!!! While I was searching for Amy Grant’s lyrics, I found Adam Sandler lyrics and there I found the lyrics to one of my very favorite songs. And it also contains the introduction to the song as given by Billy Idol. Here it is…

[Billy Idol (Speaking):] Good afternoon everyone.
We're flying at 26,000 feet, moving up to thirty thousand feet, and then we've got clear skies all the way to Las Vegas, and right now we're bringin you some in-flight entertainment. One of our first-class passengers has written a song inspired by one of our coach passenger, and since we let our first-class passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is.

[Robbie Hart (Singing):]
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you
Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

Isn’t the song just adorable? I think I am all perked up for the day now so I will go make the best of it InshaAllah.