A Tale of two cities

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom; it was the age of foolishness.

I read ‘A tale of two cities’ by Charles Dickens when I was a little girl, long long time ago. But I really began to understand the power of its opening lines in college. The novel was written, I believe in 1859 and even after almost 150 years, I think these lines are applicable to every single epoch and era. It holds true for me today as much as it ever did.

I don’t need to write about how blue or how lost I have been in my personal chaos and the chaos around me. It took me five months to pick up my pieces and well, first cut it always the deepest. Life can try but I am not going down without a fight.I found this excellent excerpt...

To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of a master. The psychotherapist simply patches you up. That is his function. He is not there to transform you. You need a meta-psychology, the psychology of the buddhas. It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough. It does become, but these things cannot be guaranteed. Your chaos is very ancient - for many, many lives you have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost a universe in itself. So when you enter into it with your small capacity, of course there is danger. But without facing this danger nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible. The dawn is not far away, but before you can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.

Today is Juma-tul-wida Alhumdulilah. I know all of us who get to see Ramzan are lucky ones. My only regret is that this year, I haven’t been half the person I used to be. This time I was so eager for ramzan and then I became so engrossed in this earthquake coverage that it drained me. My trivial issues with life also added to the effect. Yes! They were trivial and I am glad I have moved on. And I still have this blog and its here for a reason I guess.

Yesterday, as Sanny and I had pre-planned to drag Nubla out and for all of us to have iftar at my place. I left my office, thirty minutes earlier than usual and went shopping for supplies. Picked up saddy and went home. Once there, I told her to stay put while I went into the kitchen to prepare for iftar. Then Nubla, Sanny, Sani and Erum came and there came a point when I was standing in the kitchen shouting ‘get out of my kitchen’ like a fat cook! I wish I were a fat French cook and knew how to prepare all these exquisite French desserts.

Anyhoo, we had Iftar, more discussions on earthquake. Then after offering our prayers, we went to our usual haunts in order to be supremely mischievous. My usual rounds of depression followed but good company always cures that. We went shopping and then Sani dropped us all back.

Sanny had to drop Nubla back so I accompanied her. On our way back, Sanny started talking to me very seriously and I was so pleasantly surprised. Sanny’s a good pal, in fact she’s been there for me like no one else. Since she lives close to my place, I usually go over and talk things out. But it’s generally her good nature and humor that revives my spirit. Yesterday, it was her calm logic that put things into perspective for me. I am glad I have a friend like her….I have so much to be grateful for.

Two more days before Shan comes:)

So, its Juma-tul-wida and Aneela and I had planned on going to Faisal Mosque for Prayers. She just called to tell me she cant make it so i guess i am on my own.

There’s a possibility that I might be working this eid day as well visiting children who have lost their families. But I don’t really mind. I know I am lucky to have a family and these children need to know that they’re not alone. No matter how lonely we feel sometimes, we are never really alone.