uptomistik

its been so long since i have chewed these kiddy buble gums like ding dong and bubble your name. the sad part of growing up is that you have to eat these sophisticated chewing gums that are just not fun to chew. i mean the whole fun of chewing gum is in this bubble we make. One of my colleagues just handed me a ding dong...which i dont even remember eating in quite a few years. and its fun!
struggling against inner demons is not easy. its a daily fight to not succumb to these creatures that make you want to eat out people. i woke up this morning in a lousy mood and since one side of my bed in set next to the wall, i probably wake up on the wrong side of the bed everyday. anyhoo, i dragged myself out of the bed, dressed in an overly starched Red & Orange dress, courtesy of Samreen. left the house looking dull and made it to the office. when i entered the only person in the office apart from me was my Ex's mamoo. i think of what happened to me everyday and everyday i feel like walking up to Mr. mamoo and asking him why they lied to me? and today was my perfect opportunity. i could scream shout really do what a part of me has been dying to do...unleash my fury!
i didn't!
i just came and sat at my chair, and started doing what i do everyday. i wanted to turn & give him a look, the sort that could kill.
i didn't.
then our other colleagues started pouring into the office and we were just talking, laughing like we do everyday and a few times, i could have made really sarcastic remarks that only Mr.mamoo could understand.
i didn't.
and i feel so good about myself. lately i have been becoming the worst version of myself. i can cry at a minutes notice. i feel bitterness and cynicism taking over me...and today i could have been so expressive in my bitterness but i held it back. its good to know i have some control over my life and self. and its good to know that though he took away my dreams forever, he couldnt take away my personality. its good to be me, even in an overly starched ren and orange shirt that makes me look like a 'khatrai ka nishan'.
p.s. i noticed this is my first 'uptomistik' blog ever:)